I want to state that I appreciate readers no matter how they find this blog, and I hope that they thoroughly enjoy my writings and ‘art’.
My stat counter gives me an interesting analysis of how people find my blog. Some know me personally, some found the link on Facebook, and some even find me doing a Google search.
The Google searches are the most interesting, because I can actually see what keywords you use to find me. “Colin Whitman” is an obvious choice. But oddly enough, I get a lot of traffic from “dunk ems”, as in my post about why I hate dunk ems. The most shocking keywords used, however, were:
“channing tatum schlong”
Initially, I was just shocked that someone was searching for “channing tatum schlong” in the first place. If you were really after some Tatum schlong, wouldn’t you use a different search word? “Dick” maybe? Or perhaps “Channing Tatum naked”? The search itself just doesn’t make sense.
Being the curious feller I am, I did my own search to find out why someone would click on my blog from those keywords. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I now have a Google search for “channing tatum schlong” in my browser history. After a quick review, I am pleased to announce:
We’re #6!!!! Go us! We are the 6th most clicked link on Google if you search for “channing tatum schlong”. Being in the top 10 of anything on Google is impressive, and I’m pleased with the initial results. In the world of “channing tatum schlong”, we’re number six! But ultimately, I won’t be content for long; I think we can crack the top five, maybe even the top slot.
If we’re serious about taking first place, we have a long road ahead. We’re competing with fierce sites advertising “Jazbox sucks big donkey schlong” or “looks like he’s packing a big thick black schlong” or “he’s squeezing his giant schlong?” or “how deep does he take schlong?”. Those are all tough to beat. I mean, look at the variety of schlong references; donkey schlongs, black schlongs, giant schlongs, deep schlongs. They’re so gritty and primal. We’ll have a hard time competing, especially with my vanilla entry boasting that “I don’t need to justify my schlong size”. I’m like a child in this schlong battle, completely underequipped.
But, I firmly believe that if we pool our resources and each do a Google search for “channing tatum schlong” and click on my link, we might make some small difference in the world. Some miniscule difference that could change the wave of internet schlong searches. We might move this blog up to the place it deserves. What do you say team?! Viva la Schlong-volution!!!
A message to the mystery searcher: There is still one thing that confuses me: why would anyone click my blog out of those results? Ultimately, I guess it doesn’t matter, but to whatever hornball did: I appreciate the visit. It saddens me because I don’t think you got what you were looking for last time. And I want to fix that for you if you visit again.
I don’t have any photos of “channing tatum schlong” for you, but I can draw you one. Please enjoy, pervert.